Archive | December 2014

Please Don’t Hurt Yourself Today

IMG_3894.JPG
I think about relationships on somedays more than others. I think about the people that I’ve opened myself up to, what it’s like to feel the warmth of another being, and the times I’ve said “I love you.” The memories bring a sharp pain to my chest and a loneliness that settles over my mind. I feel like I’ve given every relationship I’ve been in my all, although admittedly probably faster than I should have. I still care about every person that I have opened my life up to, and I genuinely hope that they’re happy in whatever they do. I feel like I have so much to offer another person, but it never works out; it’s never enough. It’s even harder now that I’m heavier than I’ve ever been. I feel like my appearance played a role in making up for what my personality was lacking, but now I can’t even imagine looking at myself much, let alone someone else looking at me.

Anyway, I wanted to share a poem that I wrote on March 13, 2013 for the girl that I was dating at the time.

Here it is:

What is it?
I don’t know
I don’t know
I don’t know
It’s okay to let it show
I don’t know what it is
That’s got you hurtin’ so bad
Maybe it’s something that happened
Or a love you never had
Maybe you were hurt long ago
By someone I’ll never know
But I know it’s cutting you deep
And I will never let go
Maybe you don’t know it either
Maybe we’re both in the dark
But I can’t stand to lose you
Not the way I lost Spark
But there’s a wall in between us
And every day I keep hittin’ it
I keep on hoping I’ll break through
And pull some magical bullshit
I want to tear out my hair
You want to rip up your skin
I’ll travel hundreds of miles
Just for a chance to get in
And when you need someone baby
I’ll be there in any way
I love you more than life itself
Please don’t hurt yourself today
I don’t want to tell you
Things that you don’t tell me
So the wall keeps getting thicker
When will we ever be free?
How can we keep on fighting this
When both of us feel alone?
My failure to help you
Brings a pain I’ve never known
I want to hold you forever
I want to kiss away fears
I’d give up everything
To bring an end to your tears
Maybe you don’t want me closer
Maybe I don’t understand
But babe I’m begging you now
To just please take my hand
I want to tear out my hair
You want to rip up your skin
I’d travel hundreds of miles
Just for a chance to get in
And when you need someone baby
I’ll be there in any way
I love you more than life itself
Please don’t hurt yourself today

-Jocelyn Ressler

Advertisements